Today is my birthday. I am 22 years old. And after a much-needed conversation, I decided I have never been in love.

Amy and I went for our usual pancakes, but we ended up having the triple salad and Monte cristo with a side of disco fries. We should have gone with the classic. Oh well. Lord knows we’ll be back there a million times in our lives.

After we had our meal we had to just sit to let it all absorb in. I didn’t really know how to bring it up, so I just did….

It went a little like this…

Me: Amy, how did you know you were in love with Michael?
Amy: What did my brother do now?
Me: No seriously.
Amy: No seriously.
Me: Robert is fine. Well I think he’s gay, but that’s another dinner.
Amy: I think he is too. It’s that friggin “Hey!” he does when he says hello.

*15 minutes later….

Amy: I think we need a test to see if he is gay.
Me: Ok can we talk about love now?
Amy: Yeah. Wait what was the question?
(Side note: this is why I love Amy)
Me: How did you know you were in love with Michael?
Amy: Well….. ummm… I think it was when… no. wait… yeah… You just know.
Me: Thanks. I hadn’t heard that one from every human on the planet.
Amy: Well when your heart races, and you get really nervous that’s when you start it. And I knew I loved Michael when I stopped being nervous around him. The nervousness turned into excitement to see him, and then when we would see each other I would instantly relax. The only way I can describe it would be to say, it just made sense.

The bell went off in my head. I once told someone I loved him because it just made sense. The car ride back to my house gave me a lot of time to think. I honestly thought I loved him romantically. I don’t. How about that? I do love him. But I love him for the friend he has been to me. I spent many a night wishing it were some other way. But I’m kind of glad it’s the way it is.

It’s weird being home from college. For 18 years of your life you lived it one-way. Then for 4 years you became your boss and everything previous becomes a blur. You can’t imagine life any other way. After graduation I thought I’d be so happy to be at home. Damn you subconscious. I am happy, but I’m not all at the same time. I really liked living by myself this year. Now I understand why Chris likes it so much. No disrespect to Mom and Dad. After all thanks to their generosity I found out what life is like on my own. Love to Mom and Dad and Allison and Brendan. But I think I’m ready for the real world. I just hope the real world is ready for me.

Current Music: the sounds of the Buzz Lightyear Bubble Machine I got from Amy